mixed feeling

just back fr kps for duty...
my shift for today is from 9 til the stall close....
my leader actually planned to let guys to do this slot...
but due to my pack time table...i really hv no time to exchange my slot wif the others...
so thr's no other choice but to accept it...
when i joined...i were tol at the lastest til 12 nia...
but end up to be so...this is the 1st and also the last coll activity i join i bet...
as thr's nobody that i noe duty tonite..
n the brainless pengarah stil wana drag on wif a pointless meeting wif the seniors in-charge ..
which might last for hours...perhaps only can gt back on 3smthg if i gota wait?
so i hd to walk back alone again...
but this time even further away than fr my fac...
it was really cold and quiet...
i was kinda sked actually..
tot of calling sumone on the phone...in case anythg happen..
but it's already 1 smthg~~! everyone sleeps d...
so wat i did was gripping tight on the umbrella...
and my cell phone in hand...praying hard dat i'll be safe...
thank god dat thr's no "suspects" appear....phew..
on the way back...many random pits and bits of us played in my mind...
the happy moments...anniversaries...argues..the future plan we used to look forward to...
the break ups and patching back..the courages and faith we used to hv in each other...
and now he's tired...so tired dat feel like giving up...
i noe he can hv better choice...i dun deserve him...
but selfishness is the nature of human being....
the biggest weakness of human being...
i feel very very bad for the hurt and pain he feels....
i wish to compansate...
i noe letting him go is perhaps better for him...
but to say "yes" to it....to let go are really hard....
mayb what i really need is time...
time to accept and learn to put down the selfishness in me....
learn to love him in a diff way...